The Wisdom of Popeye the Sailor Man

"I y'am who I y'am" Popeye the Sailor Man


An Imaginary Conversation

I was grabbing a bite at my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant around the corner from my office. For some reason, the place was really full that day. All the tables were taken.

A twenty-something young lady, who had the look of a college student, was looking for a place to sit. She wore levis and a knit shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She saw my table and came over. She had a book under one arm and carried her tray with both hands.

"Would you mind terribly if I shared the table with you?" she asked me.

"Not at all. Please join me," I responded.

She placed her tray on the table and set her book and her purse on one of the other chairs. I studied her face and her demeanor. Her hair was a bit askew. I had not seen her smile from the moment I first saw her. Her shoulders slumped slightly forward. And in her eyes I saw a sadness and a weariness that spoke volumes about her state of mind.

I told her, "My name is Jack Tanner. It is very nice to meet you."

As she sat down, she said, "It is really very nice to meet you, Mr. Tanner. My name is Laura."

"Please, just call me Jack. Tell me," I said, "Are you okay. You seem a little bit preoccupied today."

"Well, things could be better, I guess."

"Well, Laura, I don't know if this will help. In my experience, I have found that things are never quite so bad as we think they are."

She looked up at me. She studied me for a very long moment and looked as if she had made a decision.
She had this moment of doubt, but sort of shrugged and proceeded on anyway.

"Would you mind terribly if I sort of ran something past you? Something that is sort of... well, personal. I mean, you don't even know who I am and you can say no and I would understand. But I just need to talk to someone and I have no one to talk to." She gave me a look that implored me to say yes. "You seem like someone I can talk to."

Normally, in situations like this, I become a little wary. One never knows where something like this can lead. But I weighed the matter and decided to take the risk. "Sure, my dear. How can I help you."

"I don't even know where to begin. I don't have clue about who I am or what I want. I make a mess of relationships. I have made a real mess of my life. And I have no clue as to how to fix it."

"You are what... twenty-two or twenty-three, tops. Am I right?"

"About."

"Do you like the person you are?"

She put her hands in her lap and looked towards the floor. "I hate who I am. I look in the mirror and I cannot stand what I am seeing. I am nothing... a nobody."

"Are you sure I am the person you need to be talking to. I am not a psychologist or anything like that."

"Maybe not. But you listen to me. You hear me. You are not sitting there judging me and making me feel like a nothing."

"I don't do that to people. I know how that feels because for a big part of my life, people did just that to me."

"Really. Do they still do that to you?"

"They try. I won't let them do that to me anymore. And I just don't let it get to me anymore, when they try."

"How do you do that? How do you keep their voices out of your head? Everyone tells me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it and the kind of person I should be and ....." The words just sort of tumbled out of her mouth in a great rush. She seemed as if she was very near tears... overwhelmed by what was going on in her head just then.

"Yeah. People try to do that to you. Some people are well-meaning and others just like to play mind games. And still others try to control you, use you. Just a part of life, kiddo. Just a part of life. But I will tell you a secret. They will continue to do that only if you let them. Do you ever hear a voice inside you that tells you what feels like the right thing is for you?"

She nodded yes.

"Well listen to that voice and learn how to screen out the voices that screw things up and confuse the issue. Look, I had to do two rounds of therapy before I got my head on straight," I told her.

"Did it help you? Did it work?"

"Yes it did. But it worked because I wanted it to work. And it was a painful journey during therapy. I had to confront my demons and face them down. I had to accept certain truths about myself. I had to accept that there were going to be things that I was not going to accomplish and that I was who I was, for better or worse. And at the end of the therapy sessions, you know what? I found that when I looked the mirror, I was able to say to myself, "What you see is what you get, and by G'd, I am not all that bad.' "

"Do you think I should do therapy?"

"Kiddo, I have known you for less than ten minutes and I don't know you well enough to even begin to answer that question. Besides which, only you can really answer that question for yourself, after you have thought about it for awhile."

"Things are so messy in my life. I don't know even where to begin to figure all these things out," Laura said, dejectedly.

"You're still young and you need to give yourself some time to figure things out. You will, and when you do, just do what you gotta do. Figure out what that is. Do it, no matter what others think about it. Whatever course you are taking, want it so badly that you will do whatever it is going to take to make it work. And never look back. Never have regrets. This is your life, and even in the worst moments, it is your life and no one else can tell you what to do with it."

She was silent for awhile. She sat there eating her sandwich and chips. In that time she didn't look at me. She was chewing on what I had said.

She looked up with a question in her eyes. "I feel like such a nothing. When I actually do something that is really good, people tell me how good it was, how good I am. And I don't know what to say. I feel unworthy of any kind of praise...." She fell silent again.

"Laura, all you have to do is say thank you. Don't let praise go to your head, understand. Just accept it for what it is and enjoy the moment."

She thought about this and for the first time of our entire conversation, she smiled. It was one of the most wonderful smiles I think I have ever seen. "Thank you. Thank you so much. That really makes sense. You really know a lot, don't you?"

I laughed. "I don't know about that. But I guess I have been around a little longer than you have. I have been there and done that and still survived in one piece. Here, I will give you the name of my therapist. If therapy is something you might want to do, look her up." I wrote the information on a piece of paper and gave it to her.

"One small bit of advice. Just take life one day at a time. Do what you have to do today and deal with tomorrow when it gets here. My dear, until the day you die, you are going to be a work in progress. At this moment, you may not fully understand what that means. But in time you will."

I looked at my watch. I had to get back to my office. I stood up and extended my hand to shake hers. " Laura, it was a genuine pleasure to have lunch with you. I lunch here a lot. Stop by and let me know how things turn out for you."

Laura was more relaxed now. We shook hands. "Thank you so much for everything."

"It was my pleasure."

I picked up my newspaper and walked out of the door. I never saw her again. I hope things turned out well for her and that something that I said made her journey easier.