Sam and Emma: An Epilogue
Sam looked out of the window of the jet as it headed to Bonn, Germany.
The banks of clouds below were clean and white like a field of snow and the sun was shining. As he stared out, he tried to gather his thoughts. "I am being really crazy," he thought to himself.
He was alone now, with his wife gone. Sam had always known that he loved his wife unconditionally and he knew that he needed her to be there to make his own existence complete. Now that she was no longer there, he felt empty and terribly lost.
A few years ago, Sam had almost had an affair. He had been going through a really difficult part of his life and had not been handling things any too well. One thing led to another and he had met someone who had helped him get throught that part of his life. Looking back, he was very thankful that nothing too damaging had happened in the relationship. At the time he would have liked a lot more to have happened. Ah well!
Emma... dear Emma. In her 40's... tall, athletic, beautiful, single... she had captured a part of his heart. From the moment he had met her, he fell in love with her. Well, not exactly fell in love with her, per se. He had fallen in love with the image that he had of her. And that love for her had tormented him, because she wasn't exactly that person he loved. Ah, how we love our illusions.
Emma Landauer had remained single because she was paralyzed by a fear of relationships. What if "this" relationship does not work out in the end, she would ask herself, if her feelings for any particular man got too intense. When Sam had met her, she was involved with a fellow with a huge ego and a really abrasive personality. That is why she stayed with him... the relationship had no possibility to become anything more. And then there was that relationship with the guy who was in the middle of a really nasty divorce and definitely on the rebound. Another deadend choice. And then there was me, he thought to himself.
"For Emma, I was safe. I was married. I was not going to leave my wife. I was kind to her and treated her with consideration like nobody else did. I was safe because there was no possibility that there could really be anything more between us...," Sam thought to himself.
But Sam could also remember the other side of Emma. She could disappear. He needed the sense that she was "there" for him, in the difficult times. And she was not always there. Well... when she was with him at the coffee shop or on the phone with him, she was there. But in the in between times, she was with someone else... several someone elses. Sam figured that was how she kept things manageable for herself. But at the time, when she was not present in the room or on the other end of the phone line, he missed her terribly. And even though he had his own home and his own family, he had felt painfully alone. As loving as Emma could be and as close as he could feel to Emma when he held her fiercely in his arms, he could also feel that at other moments she was distant and disconnected from anyone.
How really strange. After Sam had struggled through a year and a half of his therapy sessions, he had been able to banish his demons. He had also been able to put his relationship with Emma into perspective. Finally being able to rein in his feelings for Emma, he had realized that he was relieved that she had been incapable of allowing their relationship to become more than it had become... that he had never slept with her. And yet, underneath it all, her name and the memories of the time that they had spent together stirred something in his soul long after the time that she had returned to Europe.
Now here he was on a flight to Germany. Only now he was alone and he intensely disliked being alone. When he got there, Emma would be meeting him at the airport. He was thrilled that she would be there. He was also fearful of that as well. It had been almost 13 years since he had last seen her. Today's date was February 11, 2019. And today he would see her again and he would sweep her up into his arms and hold her close again... Sam stopped himself. He was painting a pretty picture of what would happen when he reached his destination.
People change over time. Sam had certainly changed. He had settled down. He had brought focus and order to his life. He had rebuilt his relationship with his wife and his kids. He had become centered. Sam had made his life doable. He had survived the worst years of his life. He had worked out a lot of his issues and emerged still in one piece. He had no idea how time had transformed Emma. There was the fear that maybe she was still the sad, disconnected soul that she had been when he had known her... still the woman whose fear of getting too close to another human being still caused her to walk away from the people she loved the most.
They had written to each other over the years. He still loved her deeply, although he suspected that he loved the Emma that he remembered. Sam had no assurances that she had ever really been that person in reality. She continued to tell him that she very much loved him. But what was real and what was only memories of what he wanted to be the reality? Sam no longer knew.
The captain's voice came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are preparing for the descent to Bonn. Please fasten your seatbelts. We should be landing in about 20 minutes." The time passed quickly and all too soon, the plane was on the ground, taxiing to the jetway. When the plane stopped and the lights went on in the aircraft, Sam steeled himself for what was to come next. He felt great anticipation and great apprehension. He moved into the aisle and opened up the overhead storage rack. He found his carry-on bag and pulled it down and headed for the exit of the plane.
As he approached the exit, the attractive flight attendant smiled at him. "Thank you for flying Continental Airlines, sir. We hope you had a good flight."
"I did. Thank you very much." Sam returned.
And with that he left the plane and started walking down the jetway. The beat of his heart quickened as he saw Emma standing just beyond in the departure lounge and he walked toward her.
To be continued... maybe.
The banks of clouds below were clean and white like a field of snow and the sun was shining. As he stared out, he tried to gather his thoughts. "I am being really crazy," he thought to himself.
He was alone now, with his wife gone. Sam had always known that he loved his wife unconditionally and he knew that he needed her to be there to make his own existence complete. Now that she was no longer there, he felt empty and terribly lost.
A few years ago, Sam had almost had an affair. He had been going through a really difficult part of his life and had not been handling things any too well. One thing led to another and he had met someone who had helped him get throught that part of his life. Looking back, he was very thankful that nothing too damaging had happened in the relationship. At the time he would have liked a lot more to have happened. Ah well!
Emma... dear Emma. In her 40's... tall, athletic, beautiful, single... she had captured a part of his heart. From the moment he had met her, he fell in love with her. Well, not exactly fell in love with her, per se. He had fallen in love with the image that he had of her. And that love for her had tormented him, because she wasn't exactly that person he loved. Ah, how we love our illusions.
Emma Landauer had remained single because she was paralyzed by a fear of relationships. What if "this" relationship does not work out in the end, she would ask herself, if her feelings for any particular man got too intense. When Sam had met her, she was involved with a fellow with a huge ego and a really abrasive personality. That is why she stayed with him... the relationship had no possibility to become anything more. And then there was that relationship with the guy who was in the middle of a really nasty divorce and definitely on the rebound. Another deadend choice. And then there was me, he thought to himself.
"For Emma, I was safe. I was married. I was not going to leave my wife. I was kind to her and treated her with consideration like nobody else did. I was safe because there was no possibility that there could really be anything more between us...," Sam thought to himself.
But Sam could also remember the other side of Emma. She could disappear. He needed the sense that she was "there" for him, in the difficult times. And she was not always there. Well... when she was with him at the coffee shop or on the phone with him, she was there. But in the in between times, she was with someone else... several someone elses. Sam figured that was how she kept things manageable for herself. But at the time, when she was not present in the room or on the other end of the phone line, he missed her terribly. And even though he had his own home and his own family, he had felt painfully alone. As loving as Emma could be and as close as he could feel to Emma when he held her fiercely in his arms, he could also feel that at other moments she was distant and disconnected from anyone.
How really strange. After Sam had struggled through a year and a half of his therapy sessions, he had been able to banish his demons. He had also been able to put his relationship with Emma into perspective. Finally being able to rein in his feelings for Emma, he had realized that he was relieved that she had been incapable of allowing their relationship to become more than it had become... that he had never slept with her. And yet, underneath it all, her name and the memories of the time that they had spent together stirred something in his soul long after the time that she had returned to Europe.
Now here he was on a flight to Germany. Only now he was alone and he intensely disliked being alone. When he got there, Emma would be meeting him at the airport. He was thrilled that she would be there. He was also fearful of that as well. It had been almost 13 years since he had last seen her. Today's date was February 11, 2019. And today he would see her again and he would sweep her up into his arms and hold her close again... Sam stopped himself. He was painting a pretty picture of what would happen when he reached his destination.
People change over time. Sam had certainly changed. He had settled down. He had brought focus and order to his life. He had rebuilt his relationship with his wife and his kids. He had become centered. Sam had made his life doable. He had survived the worst years of his life. He had worked out a lot of his issues and emerged still in one piece. He had no idea how time had transformed Emma. There was the fear that maybe she was still the sad, disconnected soul that she had been when he had known her... still the woman whose fear of getting too close to another human being still caused her to walk away from the people she loved the most.
They had written to each other over the years. He still loved her deeply, although he suspected that he loved the Emma that he remembered. Sam had no assurances that she had ever really been that person in reality. She continued to tell him that she very much loved him. But what was real and what was only memories of what he wanted to be the reality? Sam no longer knew.
The captain's voice came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are preparing for the descent to Bonn. Please fasten your seatbelts. We should be landing in about 20 minutes." The time passed quickly and all too soon, the plane was on the ground, taxiing to the jetway. When the plane stopped and the lights went on in the aircraft, Sam steeled himself for what was to come next. He felt great anticipation and great apprehension. He moved into the aisle and opened up the overhead storage rack. He found his carry-on bag and pulled it down and headed for the exit of the plane.
As he approached the exit, the attractive flight attendant smiled at him. "Thank you for flying Continental Airlines, sir. We hope you had a good flight."
"I did. Thank you very much." Sam returned.
And with that he left the plane and started walking down the jetway. The beat of his heart quickened as he saw Emma standing just beyond in the departure lounge and he walked toward her.
To be continued... maybe.
posted by hfireman | 7:55 AM
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