One Moment in Time

Our lives hinge on pivotal moments. In a moment, we can begin to drift and to move in a direction that will ultimately lead us to disasterous events. In a moment, a person can enter our lives... a person who will bring great joy and happiness. That person could be our future spouse or a child or someone who will become our cherished friend. In a pivotal moment, whether we live or die will hang in the balance and the outcome can randomly go either way.

I had just taken my youngest daughter and her husband to the airport and was on the way home. I took the tollway, it was the fastest way to get home. We had spent a very busy 6 or 7 days trying to do all the packing and to tie up all the loose ends for the kids. I was exhausted and that day, last Wednesday, my exhaustion caught up with me. Most of the way home, I was very groggy and had to force myself to stay awake. As I approached the interchange to get on another freeway, I fell asleep.

I was jarred awake as I was thrown forward and then yanked back by my seatbelt. I woke up to see steam or mist coming off the engine and I realized that the air bag has activated. Somewhat in shock, I tried to figure out where I was and what had happened. Somehow I was able to understand I needed to get out of the car quickly, in case the car burst into flame or exploded.
I released the seat belt, opened my door and quickly got out. The front of my car was crushed in. The windshield had shattered and the dashboard had broken into two parts.

I walked away from the wreck alive. Somehow I had survived the crash with only a bit of bruising.

My wife was driving another auto behind me. I phoned her on my cell phone and advised her what had happend. She pulled in behind my car in a couple of minutes. The police came and assessed the accident scene. The officer issued me a ticket, the car was towed to my mechanic's shop and somewhat shaken, my wife and I went home.

For a day or two, my life came to a crashing halt. I was unable to function at all. It was as if I was living in a mental fog. I told everyone that I was just fine, but I really wasn't. l still was not able to face the fact that I could have died in that accident or could have been seriously injured. That moment of realization came on Friday night and I wrote a friend of mine that I had experienced a brush with death.

I wasn't sure why I was still alive or why I had been allowed to walk away from such a catastrophic collision. Some greater power had ordained that it was not my time to die, I think. I have to believe that there was a message in all this. That greater power was telling me that I had not completed whatever mission I was expected to finish during my life. That I was still needed here, in the world of the living, to continue to make a difference, if only for a brief amount of time. That I had been given an extraordinary opportunity to live out the rest of my life.

I had read that the people that survived the collapse of the World Trade Center towers experienced something of the same feelings. That they had been spared from the fate of those who had died infused the survivors with a new sense of purpose and a new appreciation of what it means to be alive. When I read that, intellectually I sort understood the emotions they were experiencing at the time in 2001.

This is 2007 and a few days ago I had my own brush with death. Now I know that, in a heartbeat, my life can be cut short. Now I really understand what they were telling me. Cherish life. That spark of awareness that we call life is a gift, a precious gift. We need to be watchfully aware of what we are doing with our lives and how what we do will impact our lives. Living recklessly or foolishly... not listening to my body when it told me that I was too tired to be driving my car safely... jeopardized my very existence.

When I realized it was my own carelessness that had almost killed me, I began to see every new minute and hour and day in a new light. I do not know how long I will live. But each new moment means so much more to me now. Each new moment is an opportunity for me to become the person I was meant to become (which I sense I have not yet achieved.) Each new moment is an opportunity to do some good in my world in my world. Each new moment is yet another chance to love and be loved by the people I cherish most. Each new day for me is now a miracle I must treat as a treasure, which I couldn't buy if I wanted to. Each new day can only be received as a priceless gift from some higher power. One of these days, there will be no more new days for me. At journey's, because of this new insight, I will be eternally thankful for having been allowed to have taken life's journey, to have enjoyed the warmth and love of the people I cherish.

Long story short, after this accident, I now can begin to understand what is truly important and necessary to complete the remainder of my journey. I am still a bit shaken by the experience. But before long I will be able to move on. However, from now on I will be giving careful thought as what I will choose to do with however much time I have left. Mindful that I cannot know when my life will end, I have to make the day in which I am living count for something worthwhile.

Our lives can hinge on a single moment. We cannot know when our final moment will be. A few days ago, I experienced one of those pivotal moments. I am thankful beyond all measure that I am still alive. I was given the opportunity to live yet one more day. I hope, when people look back on my life, they will conclude that I was worthy of receiving such a precious gift.

Kindest regards,

Howard Fireman