Striking a Balance... What does that mean?

We say things all the time as if we actually understand what we are saying. For instance, how many times have you said to yourself, "My life is seriously out of balance." My neurons were sparking in my brain today and asked me if I had a clue as to what that really meant. At that moment, I realized that I kind of sort of grasped the concept, but not really.

It occurred to me that there can be many different ways of being out of balance. The most obvious instance I can think of is an actual weight scale with two pans on each side of the fulcrum. The pan on one side of the scale has more of something than the other side. Very logical, certainly useful for a meat butcher or a scientist or a lawyer, and in a way, useful for us as well. Now we have this visual image in our head as we ponder the more intangible idea of someone's life being out of balance.

When you or I think about this conundrum, it is usually in the work vs. personal life context. Not a few of us are workaholics either by necessity, by circumstance or by choice. Our priorities become a tad skewed and we begin to spend more and more time at work. Or we begin to bring work home with us. There is something about being in a business environment that can become hugely compelling. We can begin to believe that what we are doing at work is so important and so engrossing that sometimes it is even better than sex. I suspect this is very much an American dream syndrome. At any rate, it is certainly at the expense of our personal life or our family relationships, both of which take a serious hit. For the first of several times in this posting, I have to point out that when we drift into this situation in our own lives, it is a choice we have made. Even if we haven't made the conscious choice to become a workaholic and just let it happen, that still constitutes a choice, by default.

Then there is that other scenario. We take on too much in our lives. We try to cram twenty-seven hours of things to do into sixteen hours each day. [Of course I know that a day has 24 hours. But optimally we allow ourselves 8 hours of sleep a day.] Days are like rooms. You can only put so many hours of activity into each day, before you start eating into your time for sleep.

Wait a minute! Sleep. As one of the certifiably sleep deprived Americans walking the streets these days, I think I remember hearing that word somewhere or sometime in the past. I don't remember what that is, exactly. No problem I'll just google the definition to refresh my memory.

I apologize for that momentary diversion from the topic of discussion. But that is what happens when one tries to do too much in not enough time to do it. It cannot be done and as we add even more tasks to the to do pile, things just stack up. In this nightmare scenario, we have failed to establish working priorities. We have failed to distinguish what is important to do and what is not important to do. We have not evaluated the items on our to do list in terms of what is essential to do, what is somewhat important to do... and last but not least, what it would be nice to do. When our priorities get skewed or worse, we do not prioritize in planning our schedule, our life can become utterly disorganized, hugely chaotic and utterly unlivable.

At the other extreme, one can never plan anything. The theory here is that if we make no plans, life will take us where we were meant to go. No matter what happens, everything will turn out okay. We don't have to think about anything... we just need to go with the flow, like a tree branch being carried down the stream. We place our trust in the water flowing under the bridge to take us where we need to be. Not a very good theory. This is sort of the play-the-hand-you-are-dealt approach. This sort of life will be utterly random and one's chances of ending up badly are just as good as ending up well. This scenario certainly qualifies for one which is out of balance.

Additionally, one can become an anal retentive person. Every aspect of life must be just so. Everything must be in a particular place. Everything must be done in a specific way, even if the way it is being done makes on sense whatsoever. Every aspect of life is governed by a written-in-stone set of rules and regulations. This approach to life isn't much better. Things are still seriously out of balance for someone who lives this way. True, life is very structured and efficient. But there is no room for joy or spontaneity, when one cannot ever depart from the set routine. The worst downside of this strategy is that one risks being viewed as a totally rigid and an insufferable person to be around. Say goodbye to warm and fuzzy relationships. And God forbid, there should be a single deviation from the set "norm." If there is, as there will eventually be, for the person who lives this way, it is an absolute certainty the sky will fall and life as we know it will screech to a screaming halt.

And then there is the hugely misunderstood notion of the American Dream. A lot of people have interpreted this concept to mean that every one of us has the opportunity to have everything we ever wanted to have. That can translate into possession of material wealth, big cars, status, fame, power or whatever else floats your psychological boat. What this interpretation fails to take into account is that we must also maintain a workable balance between having and being in our lives. On one hand, at our core, we want to become a certain kind of person and we want to live a certain kind of life, that has little or nothing to do with what we have. On the other hand, we look about us and see all the "things" someone else has and we want them too. So it becomes a choice between pursuing a lifestyle or building a livable life. Optimally, we make choices so that the two considerations are in sync with each other. But unfortunately, the more successful we become professionally, that is not always the case. When we have become too accustomed to a particular lifestyle, we are not always willing to give it up, even if we hate the life we are living. We are willing to live that way, accepting that being personally miserable is the price we must pay.

I am not sure if understanding all the ways our lives can be out of balance makes things easier for us. All I have done is define the problem. This is just the first thing we have to do, if we are going to fix what is wrong in our lives. But before we can even begin the process of bringing a balance to our lives, we have to understand why the things we are doing are making us unhappy or no longer make sense to us. So, defining what is happening is a good thing. Let me restate that... it is a necessary first step for us, if we want to build a life worth living.