Catching the Rising Wind

Back in the days of sailing ships, sailors dreaded areas of the ocean where for days or weeks the winds would die down and the ship was stuck wherever it found itself. They called such places the doldrums. The captain and crew had to wait until the winds returned before they could move on again to their intended destination.

In our lives we experience periods of time when that very thing happens to us. Something happens to us or someone says something to us and whatever forward momentum we have in our lives is lost for the moment. It is a mental thing. Our mind finds itself unable to function productively. We lose our sense of purpose and it becomes difficult if not momentarily impossible to prioritize anything on our to do list. As a matter of fact, we may experience a feeling of mild depression that causes us to wonder what is the point of doing anything. For people who have experienced depression, this is the bottom of the valley of the roller coaster ride they suffer with regularity.

So what is one to do? First we must find a quiet place away from where one lives and away from the people in one's life... a neutral place with no memories or negative connotations that might distract us. Then, we must remember what we value, what we enjoy, what we believe is important to do and to be. We must remember the place we have found for ourselves in the world where we make a difference. We must remember whatever it is that we do that gives us a reason to get up in the morning and face the new day. And from that we have to extract out those reasons and say them over and over again to ourselves. By doing that, we recapture our sense of purpose and our goals and our dreams and our aspirations. Only when we have done that can we face the world again with some strength and resolve.

So we are ready to face the world again. Now it is time draw upon what we have learned along the way. Most of what we have learned about making it in life came from the hard school of experience. What we know comes from making mistakes and from stumbling. It comes from the painful remembrances of picking ourselves up and redeeming ourselves in our family and in our community. After awhile, these life lessons become less moments in our lives than bullet points stored somewhere in that part of our brain that stores the set of rules for living life from day to day.

What have I learned? Here are the bullet points of my own personal credo:

• The mistakes we make are opportunities to learn something important.
• Live life one day at a time.
• Our life is like a string of pearls. Each day is just one pearl in that string. If I have a bad day, just get through it as best I can. Tomorrow is another day and I will face it when I get there.
• My life will never be as good as I want it to be nor will it be as bad as the hypothetical worse case scenario.
• Be very forgiving of others. Like them, I say and do things I have regretted doing. People have forgiven me when I did that. Relationships are two-way streets and I must be willing to do the same thing. More importantly, learn how to forgive yourself when you say or do something regrettable.
• I am who I am and what I am. I have to do the best I can with what I have to work with.
• One of my important goals is to be able to live with the person I see in the mirror.
• Establishing a routine in my life is critical.
• Having goals (short-term, mid-term, long-term) is absolutely critical if one is going to accomplish anything.
• I must never forget my dreams and aspirations, no matter how difficult life proves to be.

I know that there are more things I have learned in my life. Mostly my point is to provide some examples of wisdom we can glean from every day we live. The trick is to keep the list somewhere handy when life throws something unexpected our way, so we don't forget. Our lives are not always going to be wonderful, so that when things get bumpy, these bullet points will help us to keep things in perspective.

So if you find yourself trapped in the doldrums, be ready to sail when the wind starts to blow.

Kindest regards,

Howard Fireman