Blindsided

Every situation in which we find ourselves that involves other people demands that we be acutely aware of what is happening around us.

We have to listen closely to what other people are saying... the nuance of what is being said, the words used, the tone of the other person's voice. We have to always be looking to see what is happening from moment to moment. Most importantly, we have to always be acutely aware of the relational connections between us and the important individuals who play a role in our lives. These people could be in our family or at our office. They could be in our social circle or among those who are among our adversaries.

It is so easy for us to be blindsided in life. No one wants to have to constantly be scanning the people who are nearby to divine somehow what are their intentions or motivations or mood. I do not want to live my life constantly concerned that I have said something wrong or have made a strategic error or that I am witnessing the prelude to the sky falling down. But after a really bumpy day at work yesterday, I am reminded that neither can I obliviously go through the day blind to the realities of the immediate human environment.

In any group, certain people build relationships. A cluster of people are connected, sometimes in very subtle ways. The nature of that connection is not always evident, nor is the depth of that connection. If one says something to one member of that cluster, what was said reverberates across the entire group. And if one is dealing with one member of that group, even if nothing is said, it must be assumed that the other members of that group are observing the moment and judging what they see or hear. A misstep with one person is a misstep with all of them, even if what happened has to do with only one specific person.

So how am I do I protect myself from being blindsided in for example a business situation. If I am working, for instance, with a small group of people, I need to be aware of the ineterrelational dynamics of that group. Do they know each other? If I am dealing with one person within the group, does that person discuss our business with the others? Is anything that happens to one member of the group essentially known to all the members of the group? And if I am dealing with different members of the group on unrelated matters, does a problem with one member of the group become a problem with some of the other people in the group?

The answer can be yes to any or all of the above questions. The trick is to assume nothing, when it is necessary to do business either separately or jointly with a close-knot group of people. Tread lightly whatever one does. If one makes a commitment to one member of the group, always follow through with that commitment, because failing to do so will have an impact upon one's relationship with the other members of the group. They are watching what one does and remembering when one fails to do so. One strategically critical misstep and one might as well not try to do work for anyone in that group.

So how do I prevent myself from being blindsided or making unnecessary mistakes? How do I create the impression that I am a credible person in whatever it is that I am endeavoring to do with other people? How do I successfully sustain relationships with other people that work? How do I get others to see me as a "successful" person? Ain't easy. And the most carefully constructed persona can be destroyed or severely damaged in a heartbeat. But it can be done.

I have learned that there are certain unwritten rules about what it takes to make it in this life. It is important to be on time when one makes an appointment. It is critical to be as honest and forthright as it is possible to be. It is critical that I do the best that I am able to do under the circumstances. It is always important to communicate effectively with other people and keep them posted about what is going on. When I have to work with a group of people, I need to know the nature of that group and what the internal relationships are within that group. I can assume nothing and must always be on my guard not to cop an attitude with people. It is important to be consistent, in the sense of just doing what one is supposed to be doing and not perform erratically, sometimes doing good work and sometimes doing sloppy work. it is important to value one's reputation, because a good reputation is hard to win and easy to lose. I suppose there are more of these rules than I have included here.

I am sometimes blindsided, like I was yesterday at work. Ultimately, I am beginning to feel that especially in the work place I can never let my guard down, even for a moment. I will break one of those unwritten rules, inadvertently, and I my pay a very high price for having done so. Something happened which I did not see coming.

What all of us have to remember, however, is that sometimes we will be blindsided, because certain eventualities are simply not avoidable. Something may be taking place well beyond the scope of what we can know and we become aware of whatever is happening unexpectedly. When that happens, it is simply unavoidable. Ultimately that is how update our database and revise our understanding of our realities. At any rate, when that does happen, it is not a reason to get bent out of shape. The one rule of life that I failed to mention earlier is that shit happens. Oh well! When it does and we are knocked flat on our derriere, the only thng we can do is to dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up and move on.