Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 9
From: Emma Landauer
To: Sam T.
January 28, 2006
My Precious Sam,
I wish you were here to hold me in your arms. No matter how really terrible things got, when you held me tight, I knew things were going to be all right. Do you remember when I was still dating Eric, and he and I had a really terrible fight, I called you and we met outside the library. You held me for a very long time and never let me go. I felt safe with you. I knew you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. And I need you to be doing that now.
Everything is a mess here. I don't know how much longer I can stay with my friends. As it turns out, we sort of get on each others nerves. Sooner or later she is going to ask me to leave. And sooner than later, I am going to be running out of money.
Kurt will not even answer my calls now. A mutual friend of ours has told me that he doesn't want to see me. I don't know exactly why or what that means. I really wanted there to be something there. I wanted him to love me. I guess he doesn't and that is something I may have to accept. It looks as if there was nothing between us, so far as Kurt was concerned. Now I don't have anybody here.
Got a bite on a job. A good and bad thing. It is in a local clinic and I will be able to work in my specialty and thats good. But I am not sure about the woman who owns the clinic. There is something about her I can't exactly put my finger on. I watched her closely the other day when I was there. She likes to control things and people and I am a little concerned about what that means if one works there. But it is a job and no one else is offering so I may not have a choice but to accept the job. I am just afraid the owner is one of those Teutonic bitches from Hell. I will find out if she is, soon enough. God help me if she is.
I love you very much and I wish you were here so we could sit down and talk. My life is so crazy now and I am very indecisive. I am afraid that the decisions that I am going to make are going to be wrong. So I put off making decisions. But I have to pretty soon because I will be running out of money before long.
And I am starting to get angry with myself all over again. I feel like I am becoming unglued. I need to find a therapist here. Otherwise I don't know what will happen to me. I have never been good at making decisions. I always worry about what peers think about me and I let it get to me so I become overly cautious. It takes me forever to get my work done because I am afraid of making a terrible mistake. And I think I look really bad to others. And start to hate dentistry and to get even more angry at myself. It is starting with me again. I need you here to tell me that things will turn out okay.
I do love you, my dear Sam. I need you to be there and keep writing emails, even if I don't write back immediately. I do read them.
Emma
To be continued....
To: Sam T.
January 28, 2006
My Precious Sam,
I wish you were here to hold me in your arms. No matter how really terrible things got, when you held me tight, I knew things were going to be all right. Do you remember when I was still dating Eric, and he and I had a really terrible fight, I called you and we met outside the library. You held me for a very long time and never let me go. I felt safe with you. I knew you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. And I need you to be doing that now.
Everything is a mess here. I don't know how much longer I can stay with my friends. As it turns out, we sort of get on each others nerves. Sooner or later she is going to ask me to leave. And sooner than later, I am going to be running out of money.
Kurt will not even answer my calls now. A mutual friend of ours has told me that he doesn't want to see me. I don't know exactly why or what that means. I really wanted there to be something there. I wanted him to love me. I guess he doesn't and that is something I may have to accept. It looks as if there was nothing between us, so far as Kurt was concerned. Now I don't have anybody here.
Got a bite on a job. A good and bad thing. It is in a local clinic and I will be able to work in my specialty and thats good. But I am not sure about the woman who owns the clinic. There is something about her I can't exactly put my finger on. I watched her closely the other day when I was there. She likes to control things and people and I am a little concerned about what that means if one works there. But it is a job and no one else is offering so I may not have a choice but to accept the job. I am just afraid the owner is one of those Teutonic bitches from Hell. I will find out if she is, soon enough. God help me if she is.
I love you very much and I wish you were here so we could sit down and talk. My life is so crazy now and I am very indecisive. I am afraid that the decisions that I am going to make are going to be wrong. So I put off making decisions. But I have to pretty soon because I will be running out of money before long.
And I am starting to get angry with myself all over again. I feel like I am becoming unglued. I need to find a therapist here. Otherwise I don't know what will happen to me. I have never been good at making decisions. I always worry about what peers think about me and I let it get to me so I become overly cautious. It takes me forever to get my work done because I am afraid of making a terrible mistake. And I think I look really bad to others. And start to hate dentistry and to get even more angry at myself. It is starting with me again. I need you here to tell me that things will turn out okay.
I do love you, my dear Sam. I need you to be there and keep writing emails, even if I don't write back immediately. I do read them.
Emma
To be continued....
posted by hfireman | 10:03 PM
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