The Fernando Lamas Syndrome

I find it a bit strange that so many people are focused on appearing to be successful individuals. To make sure that they project that sort of persona to the world, they wear the right clothes, drive the right cars, belong to the right clubs and live in the right neighborhoods. It is almost as if becoming a "success" for them has to preceded by outwardly talking the talk and walking the walk and having the right look

However, even if these folks do this to the fullest, that does not mean that they are in fact certified successes, even in their own estimation. Sometimes, they are just wannabees, who desperately need to be counted among those who have "made it to the top."

The true successes of our society don't need to be constantly told how much of a success they are. For the most part, the individuals in this group accept their accomplishments with humility and understand that recognition is earned. In fact, recognition and affirmation that one is a success must be earned every day. Each of us is only as good or as successful as we are today.

Surprisingly, the most successful people among us are mostly invisible to us. They live simply and quietly. For the most part, they avoid ostentatious displays of wealth, power or fame. To the rest of us, they look no different than us and live their lives pretty much like we do. These folks have gone one step further than most of us with regard to achieving some kind of success in their lives. These folks first defined what it meant to them to be successful. They first figured out who they were inside and what they wanted to accomplish in their lives. Knowing that, they then set out to construct a life for themselves. From such people, we can learn that our successes in life are not the goal but the end product of being self-aware, of being focused, of being self-disciplined and of being willing to do what it takes to get a job done.

Being successful at anything is also a function of carefully weighing our options and, having done that, to make our decisions with equal care, understanding full well that every choice we make will carry with it a price. In making any choice, we had better be willing to pay that price, before making that commitment to action. Precious few things in life are ever free or easy, for if they were, it wouldn't be worth doing them.

A few years back, the performances of Saturday Night Live included a character who was a caricature of Fernando Lamas, a famous actor. In the skits, this stock character was always stylish, sophisticated and incredibly shallow. He would be heard to say somewhere in the skit, "It is better to look good, than to feel good."

It is easy for us to fall into that sort of thinking. We are tempted to say to ourselves, "It is better to look successful and accomplished, than to actually be successful or accomplished." The only problem with that approach is that sooner or later someone is going to discover that we are not what we seem to be. Worse, we can run out of money and can no longer sustain the charade, and we are found out even sooner. In either case, pretending to be something we aren't is a poor substitute for actually doing what it takes to earn the right to be perceived as a successful person. And even more important than having others see us in that light, we have to view ourselves as worthwhile and successful, for if we don't, it really doesn't who else does.

In so many places in the developed world today, appearances are more important than the realities of the situation. Can we afford to believe that it is as important to possess the trappings of "success" as it is to actually be successful? You tell me.