Stalled and Inbetween

Sometimes I have to make concessions to reality and refocus on the things making the greatest demands of me. At the moment, it is all about making more money to make ends meet. That demand is always there, if only lurking somewhere in the background.

I was working on building a new business, a sales venture. Things were beginning move along and there was a sense of momentum, with each passing day. All I really wanted to do was focus on the new business. And I did just that at the expense of my accounting activities.

My wife was growing very anxious as I was bringing in less and less money from accounting... and at the reality that my new venture was not yet producing any income. She made it very clear that I needed to focus on my core source of income from accounting and put off the new venture until we had a secure source of income from accounting.

Well she got her way and rightly so. But for me there was a real cost. Up to the the moment i had to put the new venture on the back burner, I had established a certain rhythm to my days and weeks. And I was feeling a very definable level of excitement at my financial propects as I set out to build my new business. And when I did a short time out to deal with my realities, it felt as if in the immediate moment my whole life was derailed.

The old saying goes that men and women makes plans and God laughs at the folly of it. God gives us aptitudes and abilities that lend themselves to certain professions. In my case one of the things I am able to do with some ease is accounting. Accounting is all right, as professions go. But like everyone else in the world, I would rather be doing something else to make a living. In an ideal world, that would not be a problem. But at the best of financial times, it is never an ideal world. The financial landscape today is particularly not an ideal one.

So here I am, reorganizing my routine... again. Trying to put together a new game plan. And when I am writing my blog entries, I have the unsettling feeling that I am having a conversation with myself. I am not coming up with any solutions yet. I am just putting the facts of the situation out in front of myself, so I can get a good sense of where I am in this moment and figure out what I really need to accomplish right now. This is time for drastic short term thinking. This is survival time. It occurs to me that the reason that I cannot seem to think clearly since I have had to confront this lack of income is that this is a first-things-first moment. Is the reality that I cannot move forward with any other plans or endeavors until I effectively deal with this matter?At the moment, the playing field is anything but level or equal. For me to navigate to what comes next, I have to secure the present. I have to secure steady income in the short term. Then I can look at other options and pursue them if it makes sense to do so.

Yes I am momentarily stalled in my life, but only momentarily. I am in between where I was and where I will be. Now that I understand where I am, I can do what I have to do and then move on to what comes next. However, now I have to go back to focusing on one task at a time and live one day at a time. Before you know it, I will be on my way once again.