The Hidden Reason, The Unknown Why.

Roland and I were sitting at his dining table one late evening. He had pulled a a very nice bottle of chianti,[Ruffino, I think,] from his wine rack. Sinath, his lovely wife, had put their kids to sleep and had gone to bed herself.

He brought two bordeaux glasses to the table and handed me the corkscrew. I pulled the cork out of the bottle, smelled the cork [lovely aroma!] and poured wine into his glass and then into mine.

I swirled the wine in my glass. "Roland, do you realize that we can never know the real reason we find ourselves in a particular place and time," I said to him.

He took a sip of his wine and looked at me. "Aren't we there because we made the decision to be there, for some particular reason."

"That is true enough. But that is not the aspect of our being at a particular place at a particular point in our life that I am talking about. What I mean is that even though we made the decision to be there, something...." I searched for the right word to use, "something, well... cosmic is going on."

Roland sipped on his wine and frankly looked a little doubtful about the cosmic part.

"Look, Roland, you told me that Sinath stopped by your desk at work, when you first met. And one thing led to another. And now you are married and have two beautiful daughters and a truly beautiful life. What if you hadn't had that job? You would have never met Sinath. And your life would have turned out very different than it has."

Roland responded, "Let me see if I am understanding your point. You went back to college in your mid 50's. Right? You came back to get your college degree. That was why you thought you were there."

I nodded my head in agreement.

He continued, "But you never did finish and you didn't graduate, as you planned to do. But you did meet me and Winston and Maria. So are you saying that the real reason you were there was that you were destined to meet the three of us? That there was some cosmic force in the mix?"

I answered, "Something like that."

He continued, "Maybe, it is just a matter of random probablility. You will encounter certain people if you choose one path or a different set of people of you take another. Or maybe we would have met anyway. Or maybe this was just a fortunate coincidence that we had the same math class together."

I considered that possibility and said, "I don't know. You could be absolutely right. It could just be a random event."

I continued, "However, it just seems to me that somehow in the cosmic scheme of things, we somehow meet the people that we are going to need to help us get through our lives successfully. These pivotal people seem to enter our lives at exactly the moment we need them to be there. And that is not something that we could ever plan or reasonably expect to happen. Somehow, it just does."

Roland countered, "Not for everyone. For some people it doesn't happen."

"I know. And when it doesn't, I feel badly for those people for whom it doesn't happen. But it happened for you and for me. How do explain why things worked out for us?"

He thought about my question. " A lot of working hard and keeping focused. And maybe a bit of dumb luck. And perhaps a bit of divine intervention. I can't tell you exactly why. You know what I think? I don't believe that we can really ever know for sure why our lives have turned out as they have. I don't know the reason why our paths crossed and why we were destined to become great friends." He paused for a moment and smiled. "I am just profoundly grateful that we have become such good friends."

I raised my glass. "My thoughts exactly. And, my good friend, no matter how it comes our way, I will take my good fortune any way I can get it."

Roland raised his glass and we clinked glasses. "That, sir, is a good thought. Let's drink to that."

The Postcard

The other day I was going through my mail. There were the usual bills and the junk mail. And a postcard. On the face of the postcard was the Hollywood sign on the side of the hill in Los Angeles. I turned the card over to see to whom the card was addressed. To me. And the sender... well, the sender was someone I had not seen in years, much less even thought about since we had last seen each other.

It came from someone who had been a very good friend of mine. But as it sometimes happens, people lose touch with one another. And over time, unless something happens to jar our memory, we simply forget about that person and move on with our lives. But Sam and his wife were there when their daughter and our daughter were very young. In the lean years, the tough years, we hung together as we tried to survive that part of our lives. I have to tell you, we had some very good times together. And then they moved and moved again, and after awhile, our lives just went in very different directions. And the rest you already know.

Anyway, I read the postcard.

"Dear Jack,

I got your address from a mutual friend and I immediately sat down and wrote you. I hope that life has treated you well. It has been a long time since we have seen each other, and I was thinking about you and me. I was thinking about the dreams we had and the things we wanted to accomplish. I was thinking about the many conversations that we had over a lot of bottles of wine.

Now that both of us are approaching the big 60, I figured this would be a good time to check in with you and see how things turned out for you. For the record, I have accomplished a lot of the things I have wanted to do. And some things just didn't work out. Ah, well?

I know this is sort of out the blue. But I would really enjoy hearing from you. Write me or you can call me at 429-266-1379. Sylvia passed away last year and it would really be nice to hear an old familier voice.

Sam"

My own life has admittedly been a little disappointing. Very few of the things I wanted to accomplish were actually realized. I considered that fact for a moment and I wasn't really sure that I wanted Sam to know that after all these years. And yet, maybe, I thought, Sam wasn't going to care one way or the other about how my life has played out. After all, we were friends, and friends... real friends, accept each other just they are, successes or not. And Sam was alone, and he needed me to be there for him now, just as he had been there for me so many times in the past.

I guess I really didn't have to think very long about what I needed to do. With no hesitation, I grabbed the postcard and picked up the phone and keyed in his phone number. After a minute or two, a voice on the other end,, that I immediately recognized as as Sam's, said, "Hello, this is Sam. How can I help you?"

"Hello, Sam. This is Jack. How are you doing, buddy?"

Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 10

From: Sam T.
To: Emma Landauer

February 1, 2006

My Dearest Emma,

I apologize that it has taken me so long to respond to your last email. It is just that I wanted to carefully think about what I wanted to say to you in response. I wanted to make sure that whatever it was that I wrote would make a difference in helping you to deal with all the pain you are feeling now. I have seen you this way before, when you were here. Do you remember when you were trying to finish up your dissertation and so many other things were going on in your life that you couldn't stay focused or be able to find any happiness in the moment. You had been trying to complete it for over two years. But I was there for you and helped you to move forward and eventually to go to San Francisco and finally do what it took to earn your Masters Degree.

I decided that it really doesn't matter that we are so far apart from each other. I decided that our love for each other transcends time and distance. Our love for each other and the support we give each other in bad times can diminish only if we let it. And I promised you that I would never abandon you. I would never give up on you. So if the only thing I have to give you is the emails I send you, then so be it. That is what I will give you so long as you need me to do so.

When you read my emails, close your eyes and you will feel my arm around your shoulder. When people and events begin to overwhelm you, feel my arms around you pulling you close to me and holding you securely there, so that nothing and nobody could harm you. I love you beyond any measure that can be contrived. I will not stand by and let you be hurt or let you hurt yourself, which you are very at doing. I will not abandon you. You will never be alone in this world so long as I have a breath in my body.

Our love has survived the "honeymoon," as they say. Long after you and I figured out what sort of person each of us was, we are still love each other in spite of that. And that, my love, if you don't already know it, is really extraordinary in these times. I love you so very much, just as you are. In real love, my precious Emma, that is the way it should be... the way it has to be if that kind of love is going to survive over time.

So, I will offer you no practical advice in this email. That isn't what you need to be hearing at this point of the game. You are in a place where you feel alone and almost overwhelmed by events and circumstances. But so long as I live, you are not alone. So long as I live and breathe, you will never be alone. If you need me, you know where I am. I am an email away or a phone call away. I have told you I will always feel your handprint on my heart. And my handprint will forever be on your heart as well. Our lives will forever be intertwined. There will always be a connection between us and no power on earth can change that.

So if you need me to give you the encouragement, the love or some inner strength that it will take to survive yet another day, reach out to me. I will be there for you unconditionally. Emma, I love you very much and always will.

Your Sam

Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 9

From: Emma Landauer
To: Sam T.

January 28, 2006

My Precious Sam,

I wish you were here to hold me in your arms. No matter how really terrible things got, when you held me tight, I knew things were going to be all right. Do you remember when I was still dating Eric, and he and I had a really terrible fight, I called you and we met outside the library. You held me for a very long time and never let me go. I felt safe with you. I knew you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. And I need you to be doing that now.

Everything is a mess here. I don't know how much longer I can stay with my friends. As it turns out, we sort of get on each others nerves. Sooner or later she is going to ask me to leave. And sooner than later, I am going to be running out of money.

Kurt will not even answer my calls now. A mutual friend of ours has told me that he doesn't want to see me. I don't know exactly why or what that means. I really wanted there to be something there. I wanted him to love me. I guess he doesn't and that is something I may have to accept. It looks as if there was nothing between us, so far as Kurt was concerned. Now I don't have anybody here.

Got a bite on a job. A good and bad thing. It is in a local clinic and I will be able to work in my specialty and thats good. But I am not sure about the woman who owns the clinic. There is something about her I can't exactly put my finger on. I watched her closely the other day when I was there. She likes to control things and people and I am a little concerned about what that means if one works there. But it is a job and no one else is offering so I may not have a choice but to accept the job. I am just afraid the owner is one of those Teutonic bitches from Hell. I will find out if she is, soon enough. God help me if she is.

I love you very much and I wish you were here so we could sit down and talk. My life is so crazy now and I am very indecisive. I am afraid that the decisions that I am going to make are going to be wrong. So I put off making decisions. But I have to pretty soon because I will be running out of money before long.

And I am starting to get angry with myself all over again. I feel like I am becoming unglued. I need to find a therapist here. Otherwise I don't know what will happen to me. I have never been good at making decisions. I always worry about what peers think about me and I let it get to me so I become overly cautious. It takes me forever to get my work done because I am afraid of making a terrible mistake. And I think I look really bad to others. And start to hate dentistry and to get even more angry at myself. It is starting with me again. I need you here to tell me that things will turn out okay.

I do love you, my dear Sam. I need you to be there and keep writing emails, even if I don't write back immediately. I do read them.

Emma

To be continued....

Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 8

From: Sam T.
To: Emma Landauer

January 23, 2006

My Dearest Emma,

What can I say? For now, you have more important matters to deal with than whether or not you and Kurt will ever be a couple.

Have you got any leads on work yet? How are you doing moneywise? You haven't said very much about these two things. And for now, you must concentrate on first things first. Get a job lined up and get a cash flow going and get yourself a permanent place to live. To do these things is going to require all your focus and energy. First things first, Emma.

I am worried about you. You are alone there without the people here who love you so very much. I cannot be there to help you through this. It is very frustrating for me, because I care so very much about what happens to you. The most I can do is send you a supportive email. And I don't know how much that can help you.

I do miss you very much. You are ever in my thoughts. And you remain my muse.

Please take good care of yourself. Try not to beat yourself up [figuratively and literally.]
Remember that I love you very much and always will.

With much love,

Your Sam

To be continued.....

All Other Things Being Equal...

The name on the business card read: Jackie Walton.

Tom Watson had been in the marine supply industry for a lot of years. He had built one of the most successful supply houses in the Biloxi area. He was known as a tough guy to deal with, when he chose to be difficult. Looking at the card, he just shook his head. When he had scheduled the appointment with the Troy Anchors rep, he had not realized the rep was a woman, of all things. He thought aloud, "What the hell is a woman doing trying to rep anchoring systems in this industry?" Tom was from the old school of male chauvinists and was openly politically incorrect without apology, in these enlightened times.

Tom picked up his phone and buzzed his secretary. "Jan, that Walton woman, tell her I can't see her right now. If she wants to wait, okay by me, so tell her I am tied up right now on a project or something like that."

Jan knew her boss only too well. "So you want her to go away, right boss?"

"Yeah, Jan, thats the idea."

Jan put the phone down and tried to figure out how to diplomatically translate her bosses refusal to see a "woman" rep. "Mrs. Walton."

The attractive brunette in the business suit looked up. "Yes?"

"Mr. Watson is going to be tied up for awhile. Would you like to reschedule your appointment with him?"

"Umm.... No I think I will wait a bit. Hopefully he will still be able to see me today. " She went back to reviewing her notes on the customers she had met with earlier in the day.

An hour and a half passed and Tom Watson had let her cool her heels. It was almost 5:00 PM. The secretary had left her desk momentarily. Jackie got up and went to the door for Tom Watson's office. She opened it without being invited and started talking before the heavyset fellow at the desk could protest. "Mr. Watson, is it true that you are the son-of-a-bitch that people say your are?" she asked him without blinking an eyelid.

He was momentarily at a loss for words. Very few people talked to him that way and certainly no woman he had ever known. Most people were a little wary of him. Still, he liked people who stood up to him. People like that, he thought, had real moxie. And he started laughing. "Lady, you got balls. You are okay, in my book. Come on in, let's see what you got to offer me."

She smiled inwardly and inwardly sighed a huge sigh of relief. She had carried off her bluff, knowing very well that it could have back-fired royally. But it didn't.

Outlwardly confident, she walked into the office and sat down. She opened her briefcase and started talking business.

FYI: New Blog... Piecemeal

A great new blog just came online. Stumbled across it tonight. The first post was a really eclectic and engaging set of photos. To have the pleasure of seeing these photos, go to:

staffordjeffrey.blogspot.com

Kindest regards,

Hfireman

Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 7

From: Emma Landauer
To: Sam T.

January 22, 2006

My Precious Sam,

Please don't be upset with me. Things are getting very bad here for me. I have talked to Kurt, but he does not want to see me. He is so cold to me when we talk. This is not the person I remember when he and I were together in the US. He has changed so much. I don't know what to do now. I don't know whether to keep trying or to just give up on a relationship with him.

And I am beginning to hate myself again. Why did I come back to Germany? I want Kurt to love me. I don't know if he ever will. I can make such stupid decisions sometimes. I really liked living in America. And here I am chasing something and I don't even know if this a real or not.
I can't think very straight right now, Sam. My dear, sweet Sam, how I wish you were here.

What am I going to do now? It is getting harder to get out of bed in the morning. But I am trying to keep going. I will try to call Kurt in a few days and see how the call goes.

I miss you so much. And I do love you very much. You are good to me. And I know you get a little crazy if I don't write for awhile. But you should know that I love you very much and that is not going to change.

Love and Kisses,

Emma

To be continued.....

Sam and Emma: A Love Story in Emails - 6

From: Sam T.
To: Emma Landauer

January 21, 2006

My Dearest Emma,

Have not heard from you in a few days. Are you okay? Please take a moment of your time and send me an email, even a short one, let me know that you are okay.

In your last email, you asked me why life has to be so complicated. The short answer is that it doesn't. Practically speaking, there are always going to be complications in your life. It goes with the territory of being alive. But some people make their lives even more difficult that they already are. Unfortunately, you are one of those people. There are a lot of reasons for that, in your case, but that is a conversation we will have another time. Suffice it to say, the fix for a life that is painfully complicated is to simplify your life. There is no rocket science there. It is that simple.

I do miss you. I miss not being able to pick up the phone to talk to you. In the few hours that we were able to steal from our daily routine, the time we spent together was extraordinarily special.

When we first met, my life was really complicated. Hell, my life was a bloody mess and I was unhappy and I was dealing with a lot of problems for which I had no good answers at the time. I found my life to be unbearably painful and there was nowhere that I felt good about myself. And then I met you and when I was with you, I wasn't in pain. We created a separate world for ourselves where for a short time it did not hurt to be there. I owe you a lot for that. Now my life is better, post-therapy. But now you have become a part of my life and I still need you very much to be in my life, even if only in the emails we send to each other.

Please do not disappear on me again, even for a brief period of time. You do that when you have momentarily found someone else to be with or when life becomes overwhelming for you. You know that it drives me a little nuts when you do that. I guess I know that it is sort of normal for you to just disappear from time to time. A sort of ingrained habit of yours. However, you know where I am, so write me when you decide to surface, if you are in fact "somewhere else" for awhile.

When you find the time, write me and let me know what is going on with you. I always care what happens to you, my love.

Sending you a lot of love via email,

Sam

To be continued....

Tolerance in the New Iraq

Masked Gunmen Kill 21 Shiite Students

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP)Masked gunmen stopped two minivans carrying students north of Baghdad Sunday, ordered the passengers off, separated Shiites from Sunni Arabs, and killed the 21 Shiites "in the name of Islam," a witness said. In predominantly Shiite southern Basra, police hunting for militants stormed a Sunni Arab mosque early Sunday, just hours after a car bombing. The ensuing fire fight killed nine.

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Everybody, let's raise our glasses and toast the new spirit of respect for others and tolerance in the new Iraq.